My Angry Blind Worm

So I got my appendix removed Monday night. Good times. Thought I had a stomach ache from eating too many hotdogs on Saturday, then maybe some stomach flu going around on Sunday. By Monday, when I went home from work early on account of me being worthless, I figured something wasn't sorted. After some poking around I located the focal point of my anguish, which wasn't in my stomach after all. It was my old friend the appendix.

In human anatomy, the vermiform appendix (or appendix, pl. appendices) is a blind ended tube connected to the ascending colon of the large intestine and the ileum. The term "vermiform" comes from Latin and means "wormlike in appearance." It develops embryologically from the cecum. The cecum is the first pouch-like structure of the colon, in latin "caecum," meaning "blind." The appendix is near the junction of the small intestines and large intestines. It may have some function in regulating homeostatic mechanisms in fetuses though has been largely regarded as a vestigial structure. The cecum is more largely developed in our long lost cousins Cercopithecidae, or The Old World Monkeys, and also in other herbivores where it houses the bacteria that digests cellulose. But since we've all but left the digestion of plants behind, especially those in Texas, not too much need for the old fella anymore.

The largest appendix ever removed was from a 55 year-old man in Islamabad, Pakistan. It was 23.5cm or nearly 9.2 inches. The acompanying picture at the Guiness World Records site shows a mid-surgery photo of the appendage's extraction. Apparently in Pakistan they use serving spatulas to spread open the incision and old levis for sterile clothe. Nice.

I think my surgery was somewhat more refined, but then again, how would I know? All I remember really was the room being very cold, walk-in cooler cold, and full of hastily moved equipment with freshly painted walls. The anesthesiologist was our neighbor Jan, who was very surprised to see us. She held the mask up to my face and told me to take some deep breaths. I wanted to say something funny, like "I'll be right back" or "Wait, I'm getting better" but I was out before I could think of it.

Everybody was there when I woke up, and I felt like I was the guest of honor at a small impromptu party. As I reeled back out of the anesthesia fog I asked "How's my hair?" Which I'm sure was looking good. Luckily I'd been given a nice blue paper shower cap, which unfortunately Carrie didn't take a picture of, though she did manage to snap off a few of me lounging about later, high as a kite. Or as we say up here high as an eagle -kite soars.

Everything went well. I won't go into details but while they were rummaging around in my entrails, no doubt, my Mom assured me, spread out on a table, they did happen to find some dead lymph nodes. But testing was all negative for things that when tested negative are good. I didn't have any ill effects from the anesthesia and the surgery itself is healing well. Though I still am in a fair amount of discomfort and plan to see how long I can use that to get Carrie to do things for me. Really she is too kind and I couldn't have asked for a better person to take care of me. She even made me homemade chicken soup. Which she had never done before. I wished she would have tried it out on someone else but, luckily it was scrumptious.

One lasting effect of the continued narcotic usage is temporary constipation. Which has never been my style and is causing me probably the most discomfort. A belly wound and bloating are not symbiotic. But things are working their way out and I'm feeling better by the day. All in all I can't recommend the experience. And if your thinking of trimming down I would just leave the little worm alone, if content it is.

Thanks everyone for the calls while I was in the hospital. It was nice to hear from you all and receive your well wishes. Hopefully this is the most exciting thing that happens to me this year, well surgery-wise. I could go a long time without going through that again.

Take care of yourselves and eachother.